I proudly announce the creation of the Publican Party, just in time for the November elections.
Unlike other, lesser political parties, the Publican Party has a single issue: alcohol.
Behold, our platform, and despair:
- The lowering of the federal legal drinking age to 18 (a year younger than most of Canada! finally, drunken teens with cash will flood to OUR side of the border!)
- The raising of the legal driving age to 19 (they’re drinking anyway; why not give them a year to figure out what they’re doing, before we arm them with large blunt objects?)
- more draconian enforcement of Blood Alcohol Content (why should we let Saudi Arabia have all the fun?)
- and, on a local level, the instantaneous and irrevocable dissolution of the OLCC and WSLCB, and their replacement by some sort of sane regulatory body.
Thank you, and goodnight. Don’t forget to tip your bar staff.